16th Posting: Hey, I AM a mommy!

Today was a day of firsts for me.  For the first time in many months I actually woke up feeling...good.  I didn't feel like I needed to sleep another five hours.  My body didn't ache with remnants of yesterday's activities.  Did I have energy?  Was it possible?  The answer is...yes! I did and I liked it!  

Another first, and a good one, was I finally felt like a mother to my baby boy.  For almost five weeks I've watched Luke through a plastic isolette. Many times while I'd visit him the phrase, "baby on display" would go through my head.  If I wanted to touch him, I could only do so through the provided openings.  If I wanted to sing or talk to him, I'd have to crouch down to these openings so he could hear me.  There's no intimate feelings doing it this way.  But now, things are changing.

To start it off, I helped give my little guy a bath and then, I got to put him in a sleeper.  You guessed it, first time for him and me.   The best part?  Because Luke is 33 weeks gestational age, he's old enough to have the top of the isolette raised up and turned into a warmer.  Today, I got to look closely at his face, and interact with him like a mother should.  It was absolutely wonderful.  He layed there watching me with slow, sleepy blinks as I sang and talked to him.  He smelled so good and was so relaxed.  I held his hands, which he loves, and watched him drift off.  It was the best visit I ever had with him.  Today I felt like his mommy.  It was awesome.

On a different note, this evening the girls and I were sitting around watching a movie. Ginni repeatedly glanced at me, acting like she had something to say.  Asking her what was wrong, I noticed tears in her eyes.  Ginni told me she was so worried about Luke.  That floored me.  The girls always pray for him but Chris and I just assumed it was kind of like an "out of sight, out of mind" thing.  When Charlotte overheard our conversation she started crying as well.  She said, "It's hard to believe we have a baby brother when we never get to see him."  Wow.  I had no idea these thoughts were even going through their heads.  It only makes sense.  The girls always know when something bad happens because of the way Chris and I act.  We don't really mention anything when he's doing well.  Since they can't see him because of flu season and they only hear the bad, of course they're going to believe the worst.  Poor things.  At that point, we discussed ways that they can feel more involved with their little brother.  Friday, we decided we're going shopping.  Since he can wear clothes now, the girls will pick out a couple of preemie sleepers for him.  It's also been suggested we bring in some brightly colored toys for Luke to look at in his isolette.  They're going the help pick those out too.  I also promised to show them more pictures and talk about how he's doing every day.  That seemed to help them.  As for Emma, I don't think she really understands what's going on.  She didn't seem very interested in the conversation until she heard 'shopping', but what do you expect for a six year old?