19th Posting: What a big boy!

Luke got weighed today.  At 35 weeks 5 days gestational age "little" Luke weighs in at 6 pounds 5 ounces.  Ginni was born at his age and she weighed 5 pounds 12 ounces.  He showed her!

With Christmas around the corner I have been pretty busy keeping up the house, shopping, and spending time with the girls and Luke.  Haven't had much time for putzing around on the computer at all!  By the time I do sit down at night, I'm pretty exhausted.  It's been about 7.5 weeks since the C-section and I'm almost 100%.  There are times when I need to soak in a hot bath because my legs and feet hurt, and don't ask me to run unless you want to laugh.  The muscles in my legs are nearly nonexistent, so lifting them is difficult.  I'm sure it looks funny though.  The thing that confuses the heck out of me is I haven't lost much weight.  How can a person go from sitting on her butt all day to constantly moving, and have the scale barely budge?  I know, I know.  It took time to put that weight on.  It'll take time for it to come off, but seriously, am I not burning a gazillion more calories now than when I was on bed rest?  My body would ROCK in a famine, but in this day and age...not so much.

Luke, however, is definitely rockin'!  I can't believe all that has happened to him since I last posted ten days ago.  He is off the oscillator.  He was on cpap FOR ONE DAY!  Now, he is on something called "vapor therm".  This is a small tube with prongs that go up the nostrils.  It looks just like the oxygen tubes you see older people wear in Wal-Mart.  The only difference is the air is pressurized and has humidity added.  Now, when I go see him, I can pick him up without any help from the nurses.  I can rock him and give him a pacifier.  He still has a feeding tube but wants to eat really, really bad.  When he gets hungry, Luke starts moving his head back and forth with his mouth open as if saying, "Hey, where's the goods?"  Right now, we drip a bit of milk on his nuk and then he settles right down.  All the nurses say he'll do great once the feedings start.  His condition needs to get a little bit better though.  The pressure on the ventilator shows a measurement of 5.  The doctors want it to be 4.  Yup, we're getting close.

Other than that, Luke has been awake more.  He has big, blue, eyes.  His hair has a reddish tint to it, just like his daddy's did when he was little.  Ginni also had reddish hair.  Charlotte and Emma were more like their dear, old mom.  Luke also loves to be held.  If he's crying in his crib (yes, I said crib), he'll stop immediately if someone picks him up.  The  nurses have spoiled him, but that's okay.  I'm sure the trend will continue when our little man gets home.  Oh, and we actually have a forecast for that.  Three to four weeks.  Merry Christmas to us!!!

18th Posting: Luke 6 Weeks Old!

This was my first time holding Luke this way.  He slept the whole time.

Picture of our little night owl.  I hope he gets his nights and days in order before he comes home!

Last moments in his isolette!

Luke sleeping peacefully in his new bed.  Gosh he's getting big!

17th Posting: Still Going in the Right Direction

Sorry I haven't been on here in awhile.  Been going through a bit of the "baby blues" as my mom used to call them.  Luke has helped me get past them though.  He has truly been doing well!

For the longest time his numbers were stable on the ventilator and we were fine with that.  It was great hearing he was the same versus getting worse.  For a week and a half things stayed pretty consistent.  The doctors even stopped giving him daily x-rays of his lungs because they felt it wasn't needed.  After awhile though,  it was time to shake things up.  Luke seemed too comfortable at this state.  They wanted him to get better!  So even though his oxygen and blood gas (the amount of carbon dioxide in his blood) percentages weren't as low as desired, they started adjusting the ventilator just to see what happened.  Well, to put it bluntly,  he did fantastic!!!  Before the adjustment Luke's oxygen was around 35 percent.  After, it's been around 23! He's doing so well infact, that the doctors have starting talking about the next step--cpap.  Cpap is a type of ventilator that is placed in the nostrils.  Pressurized air is put into the lungs that way.  The tubes that have been in his throat since the day he was born will be removed.  He will be able to cry (which will be cool at first but I'm sure will lose it's novelty FAST).  We will also be able to hold him much easier.  And most importantly, cpap is a solid step towards our little man coming home!

I'm posting some new pics of our superstar who now weighs a whopping 5 pounds 10 ounces at the gestational age of 34 weeks and 3 days.  You will notice he has graduated from the isolette (baby bed with a cover) to a regular cot.  I LOVE this.  Now, any time I go in, I can really interact with Luke.  I can talk and sing to him and he can gaze up at his gorgeous mommy and think, "How did I get so lucky?  When I get home, I'm going to sleep all through the night, change my own diapers, AND feed myself as a thank you to my mommy for
being SO WONDERFUL." What a great kid!

Seriously, it's awesome thinking about him coming home.  It won't be for awhile yet, but it does seem like a possibility now.  Definitely a good reason to snap out of those baby blues!

16th Posting: Hey, I AM a mommy!

Today was a day of firsts for me.  For the first time in many months I actually woke up feeling...good.  I didn't feel like I needed to sleep another five hours.  My body didn't ache with remnants of yesterday's activities.  Did I have energy?  Was it possible?  The answer is...yes! I did and I liked it!  

Another first, and a good one, was I finally felt like a mother to my baby boy.  For almost five weeks I've watched Luke through a plastic isolette. Many times while I'd visit him the phrase, "baby on display" would go through my head.  If I wanted to touch him, I could only do so through the provided openings.  If I wanted to sing or talk to him, I'd have to crouch down to these openings so he could hear me.  There's no intimate feelings doing it this way.  But now, things are changing.

To start it off, I helped give my little guy a bath and then, I got to put him in a sleeper.  You guessed it, first time for him and me.   The best part?  Because Luke is 33 weeks gestational age, he's old enough to have the top of the isolette raised up and turned into a warmer.  Today, I got to look closely at his face, and interact with him like a mother should.  It was absolutely wonderful.  He layed there watching me with slow, sleepy blinks as I sang and talked to him.  He smelled so good and was so relaxed.  I held his hands, which he loves, and watched him drift off.  It was the best visit I ever had with him.  Today I felt like his mommy.  It was awesome.

On a different note, this evening the girls and I were sitting around watching a movie. Ginni repeatedly glanced at me, acting like she had something to say.  Asking her what was wrong, I noticed tears in her eyes.  Ginni told me she was so worried about Luke.  That floored me.  The girls always pray for him but Chris and I just assumed it was kind of like an "out of sight, out of mind" thing.  When Charlotte overheard our conversation she started crying as well.  She said, "It's hard to believe we have a baby brother when we never get to see him."  Wow.  I had no idea these thoughts were even going through their heads.  It only makes sense.  The girls always know when something bad happens because of the way Chris and I act.  We don't really mention anything when he's doing well.  Since they can't see him because of flu season and they only hear the bad, of course they're going to believe the worst.  Poor things.  At that point, we discussed ways that they can feel more involved with their little brother.  Friday, we decided we're going shopping.  Since he can wear clothes now, the girls will pick out a couple of preemie sleepers for him.  It's also been suggested we bring in some brightly colored toys for Luke to look at in his isolette.  They're going the help pick those out too.  I also promised to show them more pictures and talk about how he's doing every day.  That seemed to help them.  As for Emma, I don't think she really understands what's going on.  She didn't seem very interested in the conversation until she heard 'shopping', but what do you expect for a six year old?

15th Posting: Some cute pics.

This is Luke being held for the 1st time by Daddy.  He's three weeks old.

Favorite picture yet!  Just had a sponge bath.  Nice and calm and awake.

14th Posting: A Talk with the Doctor

Chris had a great talk with the neonatologist.  She was very up front with him on a lot of things and gave us an idea of where we are and where we're headed.

She is ecstatic about Luke.  Dr. Katie told Chris every day when she sees our baby, she is amazed at how well he is doing.  This doctor has been working for over 25 years and out of all the babies she's dealt with in similar situations, Luke is making the best progress.  Dr. Katie also mentioned he'll probably be on the oscillating ventilator for another month.  I can't tell you how much it meant to have some type of time frame.  To us, it seems like Luke has been in the same spot for so long.  Was this expected?  What was okay?  We had no clue and now we do!

Chris also discussed Luke's "blue" episodes.  The doctor says it's because of the secretions Luke's been having due to the ventilator tube.  He's had an infection in his throat for a couple of weeks now but things are getting better and starting to loosen up.  Because of  this, the secretions are blocking his tube and his oxygen.  The doctor also reminded Chris this is one of the reasons why Luke is still in the hospital.

I'm so glad Chris had this talk.  We both feel a little more grounded now.

On another note, Luke had his first bath.  All that preemie fur that was on him washed away and his skin looks so soft.  He also weighs about four pounds.  I love seeing his face chub out a bit.  He's looking cuter all the time.

For my recovery, things are getting better.  I can move around at a steady pace for most of the day even though it's still a lot slower than it used to be.  My incision doesn't hurt, but it feels numb.  Weird but normal.  The only pain I've been having is in my legs as they are shocked into doing things they haven't done in months!  My days of being treated like a princess are over.  Yesterday I was doing laundry, ironing, and helping the kids get ready for Thanksgiving at the in-laws.  I mentioned how tired I was and the response was, "Why?"  Yup, definitely getting back to normal, but...that's okay.

13th Posting: And Down We Go....

It's Thanksgiving today.  We're having my family come over.  I am thankful for so many things this year, but at the moment, things are difficult.

Luke has started having these episodes.  He'll be fine, just chillin' out, and then his oxygen level will plummet and he turns a shade of blue.   At that time, the nurses turn up the amount of oxygen that's being given to him.  They suction out his breathing tube incase there's anything blocking it.  So far, he's managed to bring his levels back up, but he's had about four of these episodes since 10:00 last night.  It's now 9:00am. 

The doctors just weaned him off some of the Nitric oxide this week so maybe this is his way of reacting to it.  All the headway we've made on the ventilator is being taken away.  His levels are the same as they were a week ago.

Tomorrow Luke will be a month old.  I still don't know if he's going to make it or not.  I wish there was more of a clear cut path but there just isn't.

Now, I must pretend to be in a decent mood for my kids who are home with me.  They're so excited for this day.  Right now, they're the only reason I have to keep going.  To say this is difficult is an understatement.  I know God doesn't give you what you can't handle, but we're truly stretching the limits here.

12 Posting: Keep it Going Luke!

Wow!  In a week we went from bad, to mediocre, to great!  A good part of me doesn't want to get too excited about what's been happening.  Maybe it's a superstitious part that doesn't want to "jinx" it.  Still, I can't hold back the hope that is welling up inside.  I guess we'll take it as long as Luke is willing to give it!

Luke's oxygen levels went from the mid-thirties, upper forties to mid to low TWENTIES.  If you recall, room oxygen is 21%.  That is definitely where we want to be!  His amplitude has also been reduced to 30% where just a couple of days ago it was 34%.  Once he gets down to 20% on the amplitude he'll be extubated.  The ventilator will be removed and we'll be able to hear him cry.  His frequency setting is now 15% on the oscillator which is the best reading you can get for this.  I know, most of this sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo, but for those going through the NICU process, it makes sense.  I'll translate for the rest of you.  Luke is on his way!

Because he's doing so well, the doctor has now recommended that Luke be held once a day.  Yes, you read right, we get to hold him!!!  Chris did the honors on Saturday.  Luke was just a day over three weeks old.  Gestationally, his age was 31 weeks and 2 days.  It was so cute watching Luke snuggle up to Chris.  He actually did something called "kangaroo care".  That's when the baby is put on the parent's chest, skin on skin.  Studies have shown this type of interaction helps the baby developmentally.  Who'd have thought the sense of touch could be so powerful!  I'll get my first time with him on Monday, tomorrow.  As much as I would have liked to be the first to hold my boy, Chris really has a special place in his heart for the little babies.  When our girls were younger, he was the one who'd sit with them for hours.  I, in turn, enjoy when the kids get a little bigger and can interact more.  We're a perfect pair.  So anyway, I knew he should be the one to do the honors.  If you could have seen the look on Chris' face, you would have agreed.

Every so often, a memory overwhelms me of that day so long ago when we sat in the emergency room being told our baby had no chance of survival.  To think if we would have listened to the advice of termination we wouldn't have this little gift.  Absolutely amazing.  I still can't say I know what the outcome will be, but no matter what, I'll always be thankful that I know my little man and cherish what a fighter he is.

As for my recovery, I'm getting there.  The incision doesn't really hurt anymore. I still get incredibly tired but that's slowly improving.  Last week when I went to church, it was a struggle to get through the hour.  This week, it didn't feel bad at all.  I've also been having some issues with guilt.  All these responsibilities I feel obligated to do, but my body says, "not yet!".  When I left the hospital, I was told to take it easy.  You know, I really don't know how.  I wish they would have given more concrete directions.  Since I have no gauge, I go, go, go until my legs won't move anymore.  I know that's probably not what the doctor was thinking, but really, I don't know how else to do it.  It's either all or nothing babe.  I will be very happy when my energy level is back AND I lose this 30 pounds of baby weight.  Having absolutely nothing to wear doesn't help my mental state either!

11th Posting: Doing Okay

I decided I need to try and post on here a little more than I have been.  Going through this NICU adventure, I'm now craving stories of babies going through similar experiences.  They are hard to find.  I'm hoping Luke's story can help some family out there.  People say knowledge is power, but more so than that, it's peace of mind.

Since Saturday, Luke's numbers have been fair.  They're still not as good as we'd like them to be, but being stable is much better than what we were dealing with before.

He is still on the oscillating ventilator.  This machine actually shakes Luke's little lungs about 100 times a minute.  The lungs are gently and quickly being squeezed and actually do the breathing.  Luke should not be doing any breathing on his own.  The machine does all the work for him.  With the shaking action, the lungs are also ever so gently expanded.  Since lungs are so fragile, the gentler the better.  His settings have pretty much been the same for about five days or so.  The frequency is set around 10%.  The amplitude is around 34-35%.  Yesterday when I saw him, I was thrilled when I noticed some of the settings were slightly turned down; however, when I went in today, they were back up.  Not what I wanted to see, but it could be worse.

His lungs looked a little "milky" on today's x-ray. That means there was some fluid evident.  Because of this, Luke will be getting treated with caffeine (or what the nurses call Mountain Dew), and Lasik (lasix?? lasick?? who knows...).  These drugs will most likely take that fluid from the lungs and Luke will pee it out.  It's not the first time he's had this treatment and it has worked in the past.

He has a slight infection in his breathing tube because of the constant vibration of the oscillating ventilator.  This makes secretions that have to be sucked out  every several hours or so.  Of course Luke is taking antibiotics for this and is on a nebulizor.

So much medicine for this little boy.  He's also taking morphine to help keep him calm.  There's also vitamins and iron, as well as protein being added to his formula feedings so he starts putting on some good weight.  That's a lot of stuff going in him.  When I saw him today, he was very fidgety and uncomfortable.  I'm sure he has to have a tummy ache.  Tomorrow there will be x-rays of his stomach to check things out.  I sure hope he can get more comfortable.  I didn't like seeing him like that.

Good news is, Luke is up to full feedings every three hours.  He also had an IV in his arm removed and a pic line from his belly button.  It's nice seeing him without so many "lines" coming out of him.  Big goal is that ventilator.  Once that's gone, we'll be able to hear him cry.  Imagine, WANTING to hear a baby cry!

Luke is 19 days old today.

10th Posting: After the Scare...some pictures

Here's Little Luke on the Sunday after our big scare.  He's 16 days old.

While the nurses are changing the bedding, Chris gets to hold Luke up.  Chris really enjoys this.  He says Luke just meshes right into his hands.

Luke holding Chris' hand.

The girls having a pajama party with Luke.  Because of the flu season, they won't be able to see him again until he comes home.

9th Posting: The Biggest Scare Yet

Saturday was the day of my last post.  It wasn't even an hour I had written it when Chris called me very upset.  He had gone to see Luke.  Things did not look good.  Everything that we called stable was not.  His oxygen went from the twenties to the seventies and kept rising steadily.  His CO2 levels were following suite.  Everything that you could imagine was no where near where it was only 24 hours prior.  His color looked bad.  The doctor pulled Chris aside and explained to him this could be the beginning of the end.  Luke's body was possibly growing too quickly for his lungs to keep up.  After Chris explained this to me, the girls and I rushed to the hospital.  I was so confused and scared.  How could a baby doing relatively well fall this fast?

We watched him for a long time that day.  The girls came to speak with him and touched him, thinking this may be the last time they'd see him.  We all prayed around him.  Hours went by.  The girls were being so good.  They'd go spend time in the family room the NICU has set up so Chris and I could keep watch.  Never a complaint out of any of them.  Such good girls we have.

Thankfully, Luke's numbers slowly, slowly, slowly started coming down.  His color began to return.  The family left.  Chris' brother Mark offered to watch the girls for a little while so we could go back up to be with Luke.  That's exactly what we did.  By the time 8:00pm came, things had improved.  It was a big scare for us and another reality check of what we're dealing with here.  We have a preemie, which in itself is a challenge, but on top of that, we've got a preemie with underdeveloped lungs.  Many people have told us stories of babies being born weighing a pound or so and growing up great.  That is definitely an accomplishment.  Every situation is different though.  Being born is a huge milestone.  Dealing with the complications is another.

Still keeping our fingers crossed....

8th Posting: 15 days in the NICU

Our miracle boy is now two weeks old.  On one hand, it feels like a lifetime since he entered our lives.  On the other, it feels like yesterday.

Luke is...stable, for lack of a better word.  He is definitely living the "two steps forward, one step back" theme of the NICU.  The doctor says his lungs are looking good.  One day this week, his ventilator tube wasn't placed in the proper spot so his left lung had a subtle collapse, but as soon as the tube was fixed, things looked much better.  He also received his first blood transfusion.  There was an ultrasound of his head to recheck for any brain bleeds or abnormalities.  Passed that.  The one test we're waiting on now is an ECG to see if that PDA valve has closed.  I tell you, this boy has taken more tests than a college student and he's got a long way to go!

Gestationally, Luke is 30 weeks.  That means, he'd still be in my tummy if this was a normal  pregnancy.  The problem is, I have a hard time remembering that.  How I'd love to have him home with me.  Going through a pregnancy and having no baby home with you is weird.  Everything around you is demanding attention but you have these battle wounds saying otherwise.  When your baby is with you, that's a great reason to sit and let yourself mend.  You're focusing on this child that wants to be cuddled and in the meantime, your body is healing.  With this situation, my mind is saying I'm supposed to be going at the same rate I was last year.  There is nothing to justify me sitting without producing guilt, so I push my limits.  I keep thinking, "How long before 'take it easy' turns into 'you're being lazy'."  I have no clue.

Bed rest wasn't easy.  I was stripped of what I thought being a wife and a mother was all about.  I went from being a multi-tasker to a highly focused incubator.  Crazily, I find myself missing that simplicity of bed rest.  I knew what I had to do and I did it.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm very happy to be able to move at will again, BUT, I'm having a hard time adapting to the endless list of tasks hurled at me.  I was hoping I'd be able to slow life down once I got home.  I wish I knew how. 

7th Posting: Beard Today, Gone Tomorrow!

I can't believe I forgot to post this on my other blog! 

When my water first broke and we learned of the fight ahead of us, Chris decided to pay tribute by not shaving.  He vowed he's let his beard grow until the baby was born.  Wow, what a transformation!  He went from Professor, to Lumber Jack, and just started getting into Hillbilly Mountain Man when Luke made his appearance.  Here's the before and after shots!



BEFORE: CRAZY Lumberjack.  105 days of NOT shaving.



AFTER: So young and fresh.

People at the hospital didn't recognize him after the beast was put to rest.  When I first saw him, it took me aback as well.  He looked 10 pounds thinner and 10 years younger.  So long crazy lumberjack!

6th Posting: Just a Small Bump in the Road

The infection we thought wasn't happening before is happening.  The doctors determined it through some testing.  We were told it was caught early so they're not concerned.  We were also told infection in preemies is incredibly common because of their fragile immune systems, so pPROMing moms, when your baby is in the NICU and they start murmuring, "Infection" don't freak out too much.  Luke has been put on antibiotics and after a couple of days, he's already showing signs of improvement.  We were also told that often times with an infection, there is a valve by the heart called a PDA valve that has a tendency to open.  Luke's is slightly open right now, which again, is incredibly common.  There is medication that can be given to the baby to fix it. 

The medical staff is still very impressed with the progress Luke is making.  His lungs are expanding properly.  All his levels are going in the right direction.  They were ready to take him off the IV and feed him solely through formula, but with the antibiotics, his tummy's a little off, so they're going to extend that for a couple of days.

The news I'm exciting about is they're starting to ween him off the ventilator.  It's going to be slow, but once that happens, we can hold him!  Very excited for that.

We've also learned Luke has a bit of a temper on him.  If he's put in a position he doesn't approve of, you know it!  Because of the ventilator, he can't cry, but he's trying to the best he can.  He gets a crabby, old man look and his heartbeat elevates.  Chris was feeling pretty good last night because Luke was having a fit and he was able to calm him down.  All he did was give Luke his finger to hang on to and that's all Luke needed.  Wish I could have been there for that.

I will be very happy when I can start driving again.  Since Luke has been born, I can't help feeling like the outsider.  Chris was spending up to eight hours a day with our little guy.  He was the first to see the baby's eyes open.  He's been helping with feedings and changings.  The fact he was able to calm Luke down last night shows there's got some sort of bond going on.  I'm very happy for Chris.  He's a great father.  I just want to share in some of that too.  I know...patience, the time will come.

My life is getting back on track, though man oh man, I am sooooo out of shape!  Yesterday, I straightened up the living room and the bathroom.  Did not push myself too much.  I'm trying to be good!  But still, I was shaking and sweating a lot! (Pretty lady.)  By the end of the day, I was absolutely exhausted.  Seemed like my legs were replaced by sandbags!  Before any of this happened, I was walking 3.5 miles 4-5 times a week.  I  chuckle at the thought of even approaching the treadmill at this point.  Yes, yes, I know.  That patience thing again!

5th Posting: Take a deep breath and Keep Going.

Luke is okay.  Chris went to go visit him shortly after the doctor's phone call.  By the time he got there, our baby was stable and relaxed. 

Yesterday was quite an eye-opener for me and I didn't take it very well.  As I mentioned in my previous post, I really didn't prepare myself for this part of the journey.  Everything I had went into making sure this little boy was born.  Now that he is, I still need to be thankful for each day we have.  We're still in the fight! 

I have to say, my Facebook friends have been incredibly supportive through all of this.  Posting my frustrations, they all reminded me of the proper attitude and outlook.  Helped me so much.  Also, after Chris left for the hospital, I was still having a hard time dealing.  My dad and his wife walked in, who live about an hour away.  At first I didn't want them there.  I don't like being emotional around people, but their company gave me a boost.  I needed that too.  I feel better today.  So thankful for my little man, my family, and my friends.

Luke has been in the NICU 10 days today.  He's not giving up and neither am I!!!

4th Posting: This is harder than it looks.

Luke has been in the NICU for 9 days now.  Overall, he has done incredibly well.  We were always told this would be a roller coaster ride.  Today is the day we've had the first plummet down.  I don't like it one bit.

Chris and I went to visit today and it all seemed very promising.  The doctor took off the billirubin lights so we could see his eyes.  She was going to take a shot at decreasing the ventilator settings since he's been doing so well in that department.  This week there's talks of taking out his IV since he's doing great at feedings.  It all seemed good.  We left feeling pretty proud of our little man.  Then, we got the phone call.

Luke's heartbeat has been elevated.  The doctor said she doesn't like his color so they're checking for infection.  They're having a hard time getting him to cool down.  It's not a horrible fever, but it's around 100 degrees.  Once I heard the word "infection" a pit in my stomach formed.  I'm finding this part of the journey so much harder than when he was inside me.  Being a mom, I want to do what I can to help my baby.  I have no control right now.  All I can do is hope and pray. 

Chris is going up to see him soon.  I sure hope this is only a small dip in our roller coaster ride.

3rd Posting: The Honeymoon is Definitely Over

After 15 weeks of bed rest and an emergency c-section, I was sent home.  In the hospital, I thought I was doing pretty good.  I'd shuffle around my room and down the hallway a bit.  I could go visit Luke as I pleased.  If I could only handle 15 minutes before heading back to my room, that was okay.  Things were easier than I thought they'd be.  Really, I had no idea.

I've never had a C-section before.  All my other births were the way nature intended.  The recovery is a whole other ball game.  If you happen to be going through a pPROM pregnancy, with lots of bed rest and a pending C-section, I have one thing to say to you.  That first day at home is CRAZY.  After being in the hospital for so long, a mom really gets used to the quiet and being in control of her surroundings.  The first day home feels like an explosion.  I couldn't handle multiple things coming at me.  "First you're asking me to sort through the mail and THEN you're asking me what I want for lunch?  I CAN'T HANDLE IT!!!"
Oh, and another tip, when taking that trip back to the hospital, have the person driving,  drop you off by the door.  I walked from the parking lot all the way up to the NICU.  By the time I got to the top, I thought I was going to pass out and my incision was going to explode.  Uh yeah, gotta work on that endurance.

This is also not a pretty time.  Since I lost a lot of blood during the surgery, my pasty olive-toned complexion is now a sickly yellow.  The bags under my eyes resemble bruises.  As my hormones figure out what the heck is going on, I get hot flashes and chills.  Not to mention, my milk has come in and I'm not breast-feeding.  OUCH!!  Where is that "new mother" glow?  Well, I guess I am pale enough to look like I glow in the dark.  That counts, right?

I've now been home four days.  Things are getting easier, but the process is very, very slow.  Still, it's fun to finally let myself admit I have a baby.  Thoughts of how to decorate the nursery and birth announcements fill my head.  Chris and I went shopping yesterday and oohed and awed over baby clothes.  We're still cautious, but it is a great feeling.

2nd posting: Getting used to NICU

When I was pregnant, the focus was always on the birth.  The longer you could keep that baby baking the better.  Your mind is so set on the prize.  Once it's there, you're not prepared for the fact "the prize" isn't truly yours for a while.  That prize is being held in a limbo called NICU.

The first week has actually been okay.  The doctors keep telling us again and again little Luke is doing so much better than they anticipated.  He started his oxygen settings at the highest point of 99%.  Through fluctuations, he is now down to the lower to mid thirties.  Room air (which we breathe) is 21% so he's getting closer.  They also started Luke on Nitric Oxide which has been proven to help lung development.  X-rays of his lungs have shown improvement as well.  Chris and I were a little bit worried because for three days there was no marked improvement.  Then, the doctors showed Chris an x-ray where his lungs were definitely matured.

We had a little bit of a scare yesterday.  During an ultrasound of Luke's head, a cyst was found.  The doctor said it was in an odd spot, where brain mass doesn't normally occur.  They were concerned because of its size.  They also found a small spot that could indicate a brain bleed, which is common in premature babies.  Chris and I just looked at each other and held our breath a bit.  What did this mean for our little man???  Thank goodness, not a single thing.  The ultrasound was shown to a specialist that said 40% of people have that cyst and it shouldn't cause any problems at all.  The brain bleed was also so small that it won't effect development.  Whew....

It's going to be a long road.  This prize is now so real to us and is so precious.  The stakes have been raised.  To us, he looks perfect so it sucks that we have to leave him every day.  We are still very thankful that we get to know our little man.  Every day is a gift.  That was true when he was inside me, and it's definitely true now that he's made his mark on the world.

Little Luke 7 days old!  Such a brave baby!

1st Posting: How I became an NICU Mom

I am an NICU Mom because my son is a drama lover.  It all started when I was almost 14 weeks pregnant.  My water broke.  After rushing to the hospital, believing our baby had passed away, my husband and I saw a beating heart on the ultrasound.  We were told our baby will never survive.  Termination was an option given to us.  As long as there was a beating heart, we would never end our baby's life.  That was the day we gave up all control and placed it in the hands of God.  July 17, 2010 was the day a label was slapped on to my pregnancy.  It was called pPROM which means, Preterm, Premature Rupture of the Membranes (in other words, my water broke very, very early).  If you'd like to check out my pregnancy experience, I do have another blog. Here's the link:  www.kristinppromqueen.blogspot.com.

To make a long story short, the baby that wasn't supposed to make it, stayed in my womb until 28 weeks and 1 day.  After experiencing a day of contractions and a crazy labor, Luke David was born on October 29, 2010 at 7:41pm.  Before he arrived, the doctors didn't think he'd make it out of the delivery room, BUT being the drama lover he is, Luke did!  As I'm writing this, he has been with us for 1 full week.  It's his birthday today.  My family and I are very excited and so thankful this little sassy boy has made his way into our lives.

This isthe story of my recovery from a pPROM pregnancy and almost 15 weeks of bedrest with an emergency C-section.  But more importantly, this is Luke's story as he makes his way from the NICU home to us.